To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department,
From: Donald Pryzbo, Manager, Data Processing Department
Subject: Incorrect Payroll Checks
Dear Mr. Leoni,
I went over the computer files again and I am sure these errors came from your department.
I am simply writing you to see if we can come up some way to eliminate these errors from occurring any longer. I know we discussed that my computer operators would start comparing against the time sheets but I believe we can fix this mistake before it enters my department.
I appreciate your time on this matter and hopefully we will have it resolved soon.
Thank You,
Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department
I changed a lot of things in the email. First off, I corrected the subject line by only capitalizing the first letter of each word because it was incorrectly laid out. Then I added the heading Dear Mr. Leoni, once I established to whom I was writing too. I fixed the body of the email. The email was written for the writer and not for the reader. What I mean is the writer wrote it in way in which the reader is simply going to delete the email. When you are writing a business email you do not want to make the reader mad. You want him or her to be persuaded towards what you are writing. Coming out and attacking the reader will not resolve anything. Attacking the reader and being a lunatic is just going to up badly. So I corrected the body of the email to make the reader sound perceptional. When writing makes sure that it is not something you will regret sending. After I corrected the body of the email, I made him sound more like a business man. Then I closed the email by saying “I appreciate your time on this matter and hopefully we will have it resolved soon”. I ended it like this to let the reader know that I was only wanting to help and resolve the problem. By closing it how I did, I believe the email would have a stronger impact. Lastly, I ended the email with a kind sentiment and the name the writer.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tourism and Hospitalty Management
While I was searching for schools that offer Tourism and Hospitality Management in the Southeast, I noticed one thing: there are very few schools in the southeast that offer a bachelors degree in Tourism and Hospitality management. I found The University of Southern Mississippi (http://www.usm.edu/undergraduate/tourism-casino-resort-management-bsba) and Florida International University (http://hospitality.fiu.edu/) to be the best schools in the southeast. The school I chose to do this project on is USM.
Florida International University seemed like it would be a great school to attend, as it is accredited and is one of the highest rated schools in America, also offering impressive ideas on how its hospitality and tourism management department is ran. While FIU offers these things, USM has a lot more to offer its students. FIU tuition for in state was $2,551 a semester and out of state tuition was $8,750. The prices for USM are not that much cheaper ($2,726 and out of state is $6,704), but the out of state tuition a Mississippi resident would have to pay to attend FIU is a much larger sum to pay.
If you are a resident of MS, USM would be the better choice, given the amount of out of state tuition one would pay to attend FIU. USM for a MS resident would be around $6000 cheaper than going out of state to FIU. FIU’s main focus is on the tourism/management of cruise ships and hotels, whereas USM focuses more on casinos and hotel management.
USM is a great school to attend if your main interest is on casino management, because there are plentiful casinos on the Gulf Coast and USM has a campus in Gulfport. I believe that an internship is tourism management would be easier, since there are many hotel/casinos in the Gulf Coast area.
1. What are you writing? I am writing persuasive argument to interest people in tourism/management.
2. What prompts you to write? It was assigned to me in class.
3. What outcome do you desire? For students to become interested in Tourism
4. What outcome does your reader desire? To decide whether or/not to join USM
1. Who is your primary reader? People that may have worked with casino and want bachelors for upward mobility, or some people interested in the field may know very little.
2. What is your reader’s relationship to you? They may or may not be interested in the subject of tourism.
3. What are your reader’s job title and responsibilities? Students interested in Tourism.
4. Who else might read your communication? Anyone in the southeast interested in Tourism.
5. How familiar is your reader with your subject? May have worked in casinos and wanted a bachelor’s degree for upward mobility or may know nothing.
6. How familiar is your reader with your specialty? May or may not be knowledge in the subject of Tourism.
7. Does your reader have any communication preferences you should take
into account? I would make my brochure flashy, to represent the fun and excitement of a tourism career.
8. Should you take into account any other things about your reader when
writing? I would highlight key points in the brochure to keep them entertained.
1. What are the key questions your reader will ask while reading? Is it entertaining? Does it catch my eye? Is tourism something that will be a fun career?
2. How will your reader search for the answer? Information could be found on the website or the brochure.
3. How will your reader use the information you provide? The purpose would be to compare university tourism/management programs.
1. What is your reader’s attitude toward your subject? I would like them to be persuaded to choose tourism as their major.
2. What is your reader’s attitude toward you? I’d like for my readers to think that tourism is a great major and career.
1. Who, besides your readers, are stakeholders in your communication? Perspective students
2. How will they be affected by it? My brochure may influence readers to choose USM for tourism.
1. What expectations, regulations, or other factors limit the way you can
write? I will provide only information in my brochure to attract students to Tourism at USM.
Florida International University seemed like it would be a great school to attend, as it is accredited and is one of the highest rated schools in America, also offering impressive ideas on how its hospitality and tourism management department is ran. While FIU offers these things, USM has a lot more to offer its students. FIU tuition for in state was $2,551 a semester and out of state tuition was $8,750. The prices for USM are not that much cheaper ($2,726 and out of state is $6,704), but the out of state tuition a Mississippi resident would have to pay to attend FIU is a much larger sum to pay.
If you are a resident of MS, USM would be the better choice, given the amount of out of state tuition one would pay to attend FIU. USM for a MS resident would be around $6000 cheaper than going out of state to FIU. FIU’s main focus is on the tourism/management of cruise ships and hotels, whereas USM focuses more on casinos and hotel management.
USM is a great school to attend if your main interest is on casino management, because there are plentiful casinos on the Gulf Coast and USM has a campus in Gulfport. I believe that an internship is tourism management would be easier, since there are many hotel/casinos in the Gulf Coast area.
1. What are you writing? I am writing persuasive argument to interest people in tourism/management.
2. What prompts you to write? It was assigned to me in class.
3. What outcome do you desire? For students to become interested in Tourism
4. What outcome does your reader desire? To decide whether or/not to join USM
1. Who is your primary reader? People that may have worked with casino and want bachelors for upward mobility, or some people interested in the field may know very little.
2. What is your reader’s relationship to you? They may or may not be interested in the subject of tourism.
3. What are your reader’s job title and responsibilities? Students interested in Tourism.
4. Who else might read your communication? Anyone in the southeast interested in Tourism.
5. How familiar is your reader with your subject? May have worked in casinos and wanted a bachelor’s degree for upward mobility or may know nothing.
6. How familiar is your reader with your specialty? May or may not be knowledge in the subject of Tourism.
7. Does your reader have any communication preferences you should take
into account? I would make my brochure flashy, to represent the fun and excitement of a tourism career.
8. Should you take into account any other things about your reader when
writing? I would highlight key points in the brochure to keep them entertained.
1. What are the key questions your reader will ask while reading? Is it entertaining? Does it catch my eye? Is tourism something that will be a fun career?
2. How will your reader search for the answer? Information could be found on the website or the brochure.
3. How will your reader use the information you provide? The purpose would be to compare university tourism/management programs.
1. What is your reader’s attitude toward your subject? I would like them to be persuaded to choose tourism as their major.
2. What is your reader’s attitude toward you? I’d like for my readers to think that tourism is a great major and career.
1. Who, besides your readers, are stakeholders in your communication? Perspective students
2. How will they be affected by it? My brochure may influence readers to choose USM for tourism.
1. What expectations, regulations, or other factors limit the way you can
write? I will provide only information in my brochure to attract students to Tourism at USM.
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